I found this information in my old notes about fallacies and think it is worth thinking about.
Perhaps as we learn to let go of trying to control things our lives will become simpler and easier.
- Should statements:
Should statements directed at self lead to guilt, shame, feelings of inadequacy.
Should statements suggest rules. When not obeyed disappointment follows.
Eg. Tell yourself that past things should have been different
'I should have been a better daughter/ father/husband/ person.'
'I shouldn’t have let them talk to me that way.'
You can’t change past events, but you can learn from them. Life is not meant to be smooth, we all make mistakes. When things don’t turn out as you wished, we learn valuable lessons. Life is like a bank account, the more experiences you deposit the more you earn a wealth of knowledge.
'I shouldn’t have let them talk to me that way.'
You can’t change past events, but you can learn from them. Life is not meant to be smooth, we all make mistakes. When things don’t turn out as you wished, we learn valuable lessons. Life is like a bank account, the more experiences you deposit the more you earn a wealth of knowledge.
Should statements directed to others: eg.
'He shouldn’t talk to her.'
'Those kids shouldn’t be making noise.'
'You shouldn’t disagree with me.'
'He shouldn’t talk to her.'
'Those kids shouldn’t be making noise.'
'You shouldn’t disagree with me.'
This is exercising control, we think that others should behave the same way we want them to. Since it is impossible to control others we will often feel frustrated or angry towards others. It is important to allow others to exercise their own decisions as you are allowed your own decisions. Some people feel that they experience happiness when they are able to control what others think or do. This is a false Result: This is a false sense of power, because when others don’t respond as we wish, we feel frustrated, ironically, others have a power over us.
